Admit it, you clicked this link to hear about why I am not having sex until my wedding day didn't you? You wanted to see what sort of biblical-mumbo-jumbo I was going to spit in order to back up my belief in celibacy whether to criticize or to celebrate it. Well, sorry to disappoint you, reader, but that ship has already sailed. Yes, I admit it, I am not a virgin. *GASP* how shocking that a 25 year old Christian female would admit that she has, in fact, had sex. The point of this blog is not to talk about my vow of chastity, but my vow to wait until marriage.
Confused yet? Let me explain. Most of my life was spent believing that dating leads to marriage. Call it the hopeless romantic in me, call it the product of a healthy and beautiful relationship - whatever you call it it's the truth. Maybe that comes across as a bit fanciful, but that's the foundation that I have built my dating history on. In my 25 years I have been in three defined relationships - one with my high school crush, one with the best-friend-turned-boyfriend, and one with the bad boy. None of those worked out, clearly, since I am riding the single bus, and unfortunately I did not hold to my belief that dating in turn leads to a life long commitment with most of them.
That's not to say in the periods of time between those relationship that I was devoid of dates, both good and bad. But what that does mean is that I chose to use the term "dating" to be the start of a process that leads to marriage. In the last 6 months I swore off dating so that I could give my heart and mind some much needed healing. In the last 6 months, marriage has been the furthest thing from my mind. In the last 6 months I have enjoyed the company of myself and my closest friends here in Nashville. But, as the year is coming to an end, I had to have a really serious conversation with myself about the next step in my healing.
So, as my season of singleness progresses - I have decided to build upon the idea that dating leads to marriage that I have always held dear. I am waiting until marriage is the only outcome. I will not be someone's girlfriend unless I believe, with my whole heart, that I can see myself taking their name as my own. That sounds so outlandish to say (and even more to understand) but I truly believe that at this phase in my life, the next person is the last person. I will not succumb my heart to another breakup, I will not allow my time to be invested in a temporary moment. This doesn't mean I am not open to dates in the future, but I will live in discernment and honesty about what my feelings and intentions are, always.
Waiting for "the one" seems daunting, but I would rather be patient for the love I so desire than pass my heart from hand to hand with hopes that it will fall in to the lap of a viable man. So, I wait.
