Take the "Date" out of "Dating"

As a single 23 year old woman, dates have become a much more common occurrence in my life post-grad. I spent much of my teen and college years focused on my school work rather than my relationship life, and now that I no longer shove my face in textbooks every night I have joined the "dating scene". In this time, I have had the honor of going on some amazing dates with some truly remarkable men of character. In contrast, I have also found myself sitting across from Joe Schmo thinking in my head "if this is the best the world has to offer I am going to die alone". 

Back to the positives, though. I have been treated to some of the most delicious meals, spoiled with a fantastic wine list, surprised by flowers and thoughtful gifts, and swept of my feet with romantic and chivalrous gestures. I have sat across men who make deep conversations, asked wonderful questions, an have smiled all night at my crazy stories as if they are the most important thing they have ever heard. I have been complimented by cheesy pick up lines and thoughtful comments and have felt connections that were burning red. 

So then why am I single if my dating life has been so positive? 

The problem with dating is that the dates seem to be more important than the process. A relationship cannot be built on a few hours spent in a strategically planned location or event that can easy brew up giddy and romantic feelings. Dates are a tool to express the feelings and interest you have in a person not what determines if you are going to be a compatible couple. You can have an amazing date, with great conversation filled with laughter and sweet talking but not work out as a couple. 

Dates are wonderful, don't get me wrong. As a female, it's often more thrilling to prepare for the date than the date itself. There is so much anticipation and nerves, you plan every facet of your outfit and appearance to make the best impression, you play out possible conversations with your closest girl friends and it makes you feel like a 12 year old girl all over again.

There is more to love than dates. It's about the moments between the goodnight and the next face-to-face interaction that determine whether or not that person is someone you should be pursuing a future with. Anyone can put on a pretty face, say and do all the right thingss on a date but the real "you" always comes out. You may be getting defensive now by my statement that we are "fake" on dates. But I can guarantee each and every onw of you have had an element of pretending. Maybe you made up a story about yourself or added fluff to make it seem more extravagant...maybe you have avoided telling a person something about yourself in order to "save face"...maybe you have lied about liking something in order to have something in common with the person. I am guilty of this too. 

If the beauty of love and marriage is going to have any chance of survival, then our generation needs to focus on the courting rather than the dating. The humbleness it takes to let someone in to your heart and life and see every beautiful and dirty crevice is the most incredible displays of love. That takes time and effort outside of a candle lit dinner. Dates keep the fun and energy in a relationship but love cannot survive on fun alone. So, enjoy your dates, go on them as often as your heart desires, but understand that love is not about the "perfect date". 

6 Nasty Habits We All Need to Break.

Life is messy, and it's hard, and some days it down right sucks. Often it is for reasons out of our own control, but lately I have been realizing it has a lot more to do with our personal choices than we like to admit. We can't fix the world and all of it's problems, but we can make things a little more bearable for ourselves and the ones we love if we cut out a few nasty habits. 

Calling other girls "bitches". 

Yes, I know this may seem like a harmless thing to do, but really, we are disrespecting and belittling our own gender. When we have such little concern for women (the same women who struggle with insecurities, doubt, and self-worth just like you do) then men will no longer treat us with value. Just because you don't like what that girl in the club is wearing does not mean she is a bitch. Use that word wisely because if you can call someone else that, then you can also be one as well. 

Thinking you know it all.

Congratulations, you have survived 4 years of high school, 4 years of college, and maybe a few years in the work force. I applaud you on completing these milestones, but in that time you did not become an expert on everything in the whole world. You have learned things, you have experienced things, and you have failed but in no way are you the guru of how life should be lived. Stop thinking you know everything and that you have the right to tell others how they should live their lives. NEWSFLASH you still haven't even lived your life yet. If you feel like you’ve got all your shit together, congratulations...but stop with the humblebragging all over social media about your great new job/car/boyfriend/etc. Smugness is never a good quality.

Dating with no vision.

Our generation has, for some odd reason, become enamored by the idea of "dating around" or, more bluntly, "sleeping around". This literally blows my mind for so many reasons that I do not even have enough time to explain. Dating with no intentions or purpose is confusing for your heart and hurts the hearts of others. It may be fun, it may be exciting, and it may feel really damn good, but in the end it is empty. Dating was intended to lead to marriage not to a romp in the bed. 

Buying stuff. 

Stop spending money you don't have, on things that you don't need, to try to impress people you don't like. I am an advocate for treating yourself to something nice on an occasion, but relying on credit cards is not a way to live life. Try investing your time in to people instead of your money in to things and see how much more fulfilling life becomes.

Stalking people on social media.

I admit, this one is for me. I am preaching at myself right now so feel free to tune out. Spending hours upon hours "creeping" on your ex, or that guy who broke your heart, or that girl you hate for god-only-knows what reason does literally NO good for you. Nothing you will find will comfort you, it only brews more insecurities and pain. They are not part of your life for a reason, so keep it that way.

Criticizing other people's personalities.

Stop calling someone annoying because they like to talk a lot. Stop calling someone stuck up because they are quite. Stop calling someone stubborn because they are strong in their beliefs. Stop calling someone sensitive because they have the ability to feel empathy easier than you. The beauty of human beings is that no two are the same. That is an incredible gift that God has given to each one of us: individuality. Are you going to agree, get along, and like all of them? Absolutely not, but understand that you also have personalities flaws too.