When I was 11 years old I met my future husband. He was the cutest boy I had ever seen. His big blue eyes were always staring at me from across the Sunday School classroom, he would always try to stand next to me in lines, and he never once picked on me or called me names like the rest of the elementary school boys did. For 2 years, he asked me to be his girlfriend and for 2 years I always said no. But he never once gave up, he never once stopped asking, then all of a sudden he was no longer at church.
Fast forward, I am now 15 years old and have completely forgotten about my childhood crush until the day he Myspace friend requested me. Almost 2 years had passed, but as soon as I saw his name and his face all my school-girl butterflies came back and I knew I was still gonna marry him. After a few months of "talking" he, once again, asked me to be his girlfriend like he had many times before, and this time I blurted out "YES!". For 6 months, everything was magical and wonderful (well, as wonderful as it can be at 16 years old) until the world fell apart.
On July 15, 2007 I had to kiss him goodbye as he was headed for a rehabilitation facility for his very severe drug addiction. Never in my entire life did I think that I would end up with someone so wrapped up in a destructive lifestyle, but I did. But just like he never gave up on me, I never gave up on him. I continued our relationship the entire time he was in the facility, with absolutely no contact with him during that time. On December 12, 2007 I was finally reunited with him, he had completed his program and was cleared to go home to be with me. That kiss, on that day, is by far the most memorable kiss I have ever had. It also was the last kiss he ever gave to me because just 9 days later, my beautiful boy made one more foolish decision that ended his life.
There are so many gory and depressing details that I am skipping over mostly because those were some of the darkest days of my life, and reliving them is not something I enjoy doing. I missed him more and more every day, and the grieving only increased with time. I felt angry, hurt, and abandoned. While I had not touched drugs even once, they had completely destroyed my life...
...or so I thought.
Looking back on what was 2,250 days ago, I now realize that drugs are the reason I am alive today. They have made me in to a better person. Without that tragic time in my life, I do not think that I could have gained internal strength. I do not think that I would be someone who shows grace, and unconditional love. I do not think that I could ever understand what it means to truly forgive. That relationship, that terrible day, took a lot from me but it also gave me so much more.
I was destroyed, but the pieces came back together in a way that was new and better than before. God made me beautiful in what was the most ugly, messy, and horrific time in my life. Jacob never gave up on me, I never gave up on him, and God will never gave up on us. It took me a long time to see it, but no matter the struggle, no matter the complete emptiness, no matter what: you will be okay,
