I am sorry for the way I eat. My goodness am I sorry. I pick out the things I like in mixed nuts, trail mix, and variety bags of snacks and then put them back as if I did nothing wrong. I drink my orange juice straight from the carton, which means if you want some refreshment you have to live with my saliva residue. I get food in my hair and on my clothes if I am not careful because I get too excited and dig in to it like a wild animal.
I am sorry for being a terrible housewife. I literally am terrified of the stove, the oven, and anything that is useful in making a substantial and worthy meal. I cannot even make a decent pasta, which is literally just boiling pasta and adding a pre-made sauce; a monkey could make you a better dinner than I could. I wish that I could fill your belly with delicious meals, but you're most likely going to have to take charge in the kitchen or you may starve to death.
I am sorry that I do not have an "inside voice". You probably discovered this the day you met me, but I have no concept of the idea of being quiet. Even my silent voice and whisper is louder than the average person's yelling voice. I try my best but my big mouth just likes to make a lot of noise all the time. You will probably get super annoyed by me, especially in movies, and I am sorry that I will drive you crazy all the time.
I am sorry for making everything about LOTR. I have an unhealthy obsession with the J.R.R. Tolkien series and it will inevitable seep in to every facet of our lives. We will watch the movies more times than someone would think is humanely possible, we will have decorations in our home, and if I can trick you in to it, we will even have it as a part of our wedding/honeymoon. Everyone you meet will think your wife is crazy for loving the fantasy-world filled with elves, hobbits, and orcs.
And most importantly,
I am sorry for everything else. It is inevitable that I will not show you respect and love in everything that I say and do to you. I am terrible at apologizing and it is instinctual for me to take a defensive stance. I will mess up a lot, and I will not always take responsibility for those mistakes but I need you to know that, with every part of me, I am sorry.
I don't know who you are, where you are, or when I will find you, but when it happens it will be a dream come true. If you can learn to love the annoying things about me (you can ask my parents for tips since they have suffered through it for 23 years) then I know we can conquer the world. Feel free to come out of hiding anytime soon, however, preferably wearing a jean jacket, vans, and ray bans.
