It started off as a normal Wednesday afternoon, with the inclusion of a top-notch outfit and an out of this world hair day. I was pretty excited to see what other good surprises would pop up along the day, cause nothing can go wrong when your nail polish matches your outfit perfectly, right?
Then the struggle bus came pulling up to my front door, waiting for me to climb aboard. At first, I just ignored it and decided to walk through the day instead. But no matter what, that little booger was following close behind, begging me to be it's only passenger. Though I fought the good fight and stood my ground, I quickly succumbed to it's entrancing powers and boarded that bus like I have never boarded it before.
Instantly, the stress of graduation's impending date (17 days to be exact) quickly became apparent. With that came the suffocating realization of the amount of work I have to accomplish in the next 2 weeks and the pressure to maintain a quality GPA to graduate with honors. Then all of a sudden I began to worry about unemployment. That dirty little word that all fresh-out-of-college students are terrified of. In 19 days I move back to Arizona, yet I have absolutely no idea or plan of where I will be working or what I will be doing. That may be one of the scariest positions I have ever been in.
Then, if I did not already have enough to freak myself out with, the boy drama set in. You know that person who just makes you crazy in the most wonderful way possible? That person that even if you don't talk to anymore makes you an instant vegetable when they are in the room? That person that you should never, in a million years, end up with? Yeah, that person just became another girls' boyfriend. Worst.
Words seem futile in this moment and even in the midst of writing this post, I feel at a loss for words. I am not even heartbroken, or sad, or even mad. I am just speechless. I hate that feeling because I love just sitting and venting and saying everything that is on my heart, and right now I don't know how to do that.
So how do I remedy this momentary pity party? Music; and one song in particular. This by far is my favorite song in the history of songs. If I could tattoo every word of it on my skin, I would. It speaks to my soul in a way that very few things can. It has applied to so many pitfalls and highs in my life, and today is no exception.
This song will get me through the next 19 days of worry, and confusion, and fear but also the rest of my life. I like to pretend it's God singing it to me, telling me that no matter the pain or the worry, no matter how bad you feel right now, "I will try to fix you". To this day, He always has and always will.
