You Don't Need Me, But Somehow You Want Me.

Have you ever wanted someone to know you, like actually know you? Every single detail of your story, every curve of your face, every quirk in your personality, every corner of your heart? To have that one person who can feel alongside you, who can read your body language as if it was their own mind, who doesn't need to be told  with words what you need because they have come to learn your heart and desires so truly?

That really is the dream, isn't it? To be so loved that you long for nothing, you lack nothing because that person has brought to you all that you could possibly imagine. Man, what a world we would live in if every single one of us found that one person.

One day not so long ago I believed I had found that in someone and holy cow did it feel good. Love feels so good - it feels like a million butterflies in your stomach all the time. Then one day I woke up and realized that my desire to be so known and loved was no longer achieved by this person. So there I sat, with a burning passion to simply be cared for, to be desired, to have someone pay me some damn attention and the whole world got really lonely. 

The thing about love is that we have been trained to believe that it can only come in one way from one person. We have fantasized this beautiful feeling that can so often go unexplained in to an achievement only reached by a soulmate or "Mr. Right". I make that statement so boldly because more often than not I believe that. In this season of singleness and restoration, I have quickly come to realize that I have always, in every single way, been fully known.

The Lord has shown His Face to me more times than I could even begin to write down but especially so in the last two weeks. I woke up one morning feeling heavy burdened by the weight of so many thoughts and insecurities tied to one person's hold on my heart and knew it was just going to be one of those days. I didn't bother telling anyone how I was feeling but within a few hours of those dark thoughts my phone was quickly filled with texts from some of my closest friends that began with "you were placed on my heart this morning". Instantly I smiled because I knew that even in my silence Jesus heard me and gave me what my heart so deeply needed.

Sunday morning began with a sermon on JOY and my oh my, did I feel his joy in my heart when I walked out the church doors. I did not even know that I needed to be refilled of joy, I had no idea that my heart was desiring that...but He knew.

The week continued on with small reminders that HE, the Creator of the World, the Orchestrator of the Waves, the Master of the Skies cared for me. From being able to participate in events, to letters and gifts from sweet friends, from the most glorious weather, to hearing the right song on my Spotify at the right time. He knew, he cared, and he showered me with attention. 

The final rush of affection that God brought to my life happened Wednesday afternoon. I have the honor to work with about a dozen Christian music artists who are ministering to the world. One in particular, Tenth Avenue North, showcased their upcoming album to the whole label and influential partners. I have heard bits and pieces of this album over the course of the creation, but this was the first moment when it all came together. One song called "Control" stood out to me and energized me. I hate talking about this magnificent piece of art because you are incapable of hearing it for a few months by the lyrics...my goodness the lyrics are my new life anthem.

"God You don't need me, but somehow You want me
Oh how You love me, somehow that frees me
To take my hands off of my life and the way it should go
Oh God You don't need me, but somehow You want me
Oh how You love me, somehow that frees me
To open my hands up and give you controlI give you control"

I am wanted. I am loved. I am desired. I am cherished. I am cared for. I am chosen. 

And so are you. With or without a man.