Take the "Date" out of "Dating"

As a single 23 year old woman, dates have become a much more common occurrence in my life post-grad. I spent much of my teen and college years focused on my school work rather than my relationship life, and now that I no longer shove my face in textbooks every night I have joined the "dating scene". In this time, I have had the honor of going on some amazing dates with some truly remarkable men of character. In contrast, I have also found myself sitting across from Joe Schmo thinking in my head "if this is the best the world has to offer I am going to die alone". 

Back to the positives, though. I have been treated to some of the most delicious meals, spoiled with a fantastic wine list, surprised by flowers and thoughtful gifts, and swept of my feet with romantic and chivalrous gestures. I have sat across men who make deep conversations, asked wonderful questions, an have smiled all night at my crazy stories as if they are the most important thing they have ever heard. I have been complimented by cheesy pick up lines and thoughtful comments and have felt connections that were burning red. 

So then why am I single if my dating life has been so positive? 

The problem with dating is that the dates seem to be more important than the process. A relationship cannot be built on a few hours spent in a strategically planned location or event that can easy brew up giddy and romantic feelings. Dates are a tool to express the feelings and interest you have in a person not what determines if you are going to be a compatible couple. You can have an amazing date, with great conversation filled with laughter and sweet talking but not work out as a couple. 

Dates are wonderful, don't get me wrong. As a female, it's often more thrilling to prepare for the date than the date itself. There is so much anticipation and nerves, you plan every facet of your outfit and appearance to make the best impression, you play out possible conversations with your closest girl friends and it makes you feel like a 12 year old girl all over again.

There is more to love than dates. It's about the moments between the goodnight and the next face-to-face interaction that determine whether or not that person is someone you should be pursuing a future with. Anyone can put on a pretty face, say and do all the right thingss on a date but the real "you" always comes out. You may be getting defensive now by my statement that we are "fake" on dates. But I can guarantee each and every onw of you have had an element of pretending. Maybe you made up a story about yourself or added fluff to make it seem more extravagant...maybe you have avoided telling a person something about yourself in order to "save face"...maybe you have lied about liking something in order to have something in common with the person. I am guilty of this too. 

If the beauty of love and marriage is going to have any chance of survival, then our generation needs to focus on the courting rather than the dating. The humbleness it takes to let someone in to your heart and life and see every beautiful and dirty crevice is the most incredible displays of love. That takes time and effort outside of a candle lit dinner. Dates keep the fun and energy in a relationship but love cannot survive on fun alone. So, enjoy your dates, go on them as often as your heart desires, but understand that love is not about the "perfect date".